Scramble Ramble

My friend the Blog, I am worried. I just received what might be The Call. Sally, my step-dad's weekend nurse called to say he can't make it out of bed today. He's alert but just can't ambulate...anywhere. Is it time to scramble. Don't know. The plan is to give him a day of bed rest and see if it's a passing condition. He was quite active yesterday attending a 90th birthday party and everything seemed quite normal. But today is another day. Lord please do Thy Will. It's crazy, my mixed feeling right now...scared, relieved, worried, guilty, wondering what is in store for all of us. And the day started out so nice. I ran with friends at the Arboretum. A warm, windy winter day with a significant twist. Father help...all of us. Over, Ricky.

Sunday Thoughts Scattered

Hello, my friend the Blog. Good to be back once again. After three weeks much has happened but little has been determined. Glen Ellyn's winter has the upper-hand again as the windchill is ten below zero and I have wimped out once again on running outdoors. Instead, I am heading off to Einstein's to make sure my bagel and coffee skills are still operable. The status of my step-Dad is unchanged. He is slowly becoming less succinct mentally. The implications for this trend are quite scary. I'm not sure when it is right to assert my role as medical surrogate and try to help him make the right decisions. Two weeks ago he was initiating termination procedures for his week-end nurse who has been in the home for more than two years (Sally helped my mother as well). Fortunately, he was dissuaded from his decision.
He called last Thursday and told me there are spies in his home at night. He accused Sally of "fondling his ass" when she assisted in replacing his diapers. A charge that is incomprehensible if you know Sally. Things are slowly degrading to an almost tragic day-to-day issue or story. But my step-Dad's main caregivers, Pearl and Sharon, continue to endure and effectively contribute to his comfortable home care.
Changing gears, I gave in to my daily irritation with my 'bed-head' hair every morning. I'm following my grand-father, Rev. William F. McDermott, and becoming quite thin on top. Never one to hesitate on change, I got a buzz and I am now adapting to the new look. The only thing I know for sure is it makes my head quite cold when I go outdoors. Give me a few weeks for a final determination.
Talked with my friends Chuck Barton and Mike McClelland, two thirty-five plus year friendships. It was good to get caught up. Both sounded well and worried about how the economy will affect them this year.
Another note. On Thursday I skied Bittersweet in Otsego, MI, and enjoyed the day.
Unfortunately, I was tired after only three hours. My rental boots and skis were acceptable, but not as good as your own equiptment...never are. Since I'm going to Winter Park, CO, in March, I better do this a few more times to get my skills back.
It was fun to travel with Wesley once again and we were joined by four others from his Dunelands Ski Club. I'm looking forward to making some new friends in March.
Well, I'm running out of time before meeting friends for bagels this morning.
So I will close this rambling immediately. Over. Ricky

My Heart Aches

Time for a quick post. Today was the epitome of heartbreak. The Chief had a good morning but during his trip to Palm City Presbyterian he began to fatigue. The emotional and physical toll of church and seeing his many year friend Mary Cochrane really triggered a lapse into feeling sorry for himself and depression. He shared with Pearl, Sally and me his growing frustration of being killed with kindness. He wants so much to do the things he was once able to do without thinking. Now, it is a chore to just ambulate anywhere. His legs are beginning to fail. Watching him try to move his left leg is agonizing. There is definitely a failure in sending signals from his brain to his left leg. The damn apendage just won't respond and he stands still...forever. You want to help, but you can't. You want to reach out and carry him, but I can't lift 175 pounds safely. I'm not sure what to do. Other than pray that the Lord's will be done, a day at a time. Grant me the strength to deal with the hurt. And the patience to not get frustrated and irritable. I trust in Thee to get us all through this storm safely. Amen. Out. Ricky

Deja Vus

Well, Happy New Year my friend the Blog. While I'm glad to return I am saddened by my report. I am back in Florida bringing in the New Year with the Chief, my step-Dad. His health continues to deteriorate and his mental health is becoming less stable. Every indication is early Alzheimer's has arrived and has added to his stroke-induced dementia that consumed all of last year. I admire his undeniable will to 'return to normal' but my heart breaks each day that I see him struggle. There have been some instances of the mean and hurtful Smith temper where he tongue lashes Sharon, Lena or Pearl. There are times where he wants to kick everyone out of the house and be 'free' once again. His depression causes crying spells which are so easy to understand but difficult to endure. Like I said once before, getting old is not for sissies. It is some really painful stuff...emotionally, mentally and physically.
Speaking of painful, last week I thought I was going to precede the Chief in dying. I picked up some food poisoning at Island Jack's in West Palm Beach. The place looked like a real dive and it was. Some bad chicken got me real good. Waves of nausea followed by gallons of diarhea...sounds fun but it really wasn't. I think I lost six to eight pounds over three days of not eating. I was so sore from wretching that I couldn't move without some minor aches and pains. Thanks to Pearl, she helped me through my suffering. Thankfully, I will fight the battle a while longer.
Well it's a New Year. I'm going to try better to be a productive sort of guy. It's hard when your life has been put 'on Hold' while attending to family priorities. After providing care for my step-Dad and direction, to a degree, to my children, I have to start worrying about myself. The same issues remain. I won't trouble you with redundant writings...just look at previous posts for some insight into my challenges for 2009. I will face them head on. But this year I will lean on God for more direction. A priority for me is to strengthen my relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The only way to do so will be to meditate more and to understand the discipline of Prayer. The book The Shack really got me thinking.
Another repetitive matter, how to make running a habit again. The severity of this year's Winter has successfully defeated me. But, I will return to fight again.
Run long, run easy, run Always. I watched a 5k race in Fort Pierce, Florida, this morning. A man with a smile on his face ran by with a shirt that said 'I wish I was 79 again.' Now that man is my Hero.
Time to close 2009's first ramble. I will return, again. From Whom All Blessings Flow, Thanks. Over and Out. Ricky